Who am I? Some nights I just ask this question to myself to know my worth. To know what I deserve. But before closing my eyes in the night, I don’t get any specific answer. I keep wandering here and there in the memory lanes searching for a definite answer, but in vain. .
It feels like I’m in between everything, in a hanging position. In between love ,friendship, and pain. Everyone wants me when they feel pain, when they need a shoulder but all of a sudden after the arrival of their loved ones they forget me like I never existed, until the feel the same pain again. .
May be I’m a bad lover, may be I’m a bad friend or may be I don’t deserve anything. Many times I tell such things to myself but then I realize why I’m telling such things to my own. Even I have given more than 100 percent everywhere. May be I was rejected, may be I was thrown but I feel it wasn’t my fault . .
But sometimes I really I want to know : who am I ? The sleepless me waits for the text from those to whom I give priority. But after waking up, the poor me never gets so. I keep thinking about the person who never thought about me. At the end of the day I’m a weird and lost person. Inside me there is so much agony.
Sometimes I feel like calling them just to tell them what I’m going through. But then I realize I’m not having that worth in their life. .
Every night before falling asleep on my bed I try not to think about them but I don’t know how to push people away from life, from soul. Because I was never taught to leave people. .
I try to sleep, I try to cry so that I will feel light. But I don’t know how to react when there are so many people around you. I try to know my worth again and again but I fail to know who I am. And that’s how my days pass and my nights go.
It’s all blank and worthless.
Whatever you say or do in day.. At the end of the day, the one and only people who is going to stand in your way is your mother.. with great care and Love!!